A changing view of Neilah

I've led the Neilah service many times. Originally, all of my nusach reflected a sense of purified exhaustion, seemingly appropriate to the end of the great trial of Yom Kippur. But then came the year I played racquetball. Eventually I beat my body into submission and had to stop playing, but for awhile I was in paticularly good health and strength. Yom Kippur arrived, the time for Neilah came 'round, and I was not exhausted at all. Rather I was in a state of energetic exultation.

I could have proceeded with the service I'd prepared, but that would have been quite a phoney thing to do, chanting melodies reflecting an exhaustion I did not feel. I improvised a great deal that year, singing the way I felt, and - Russian style - building up to more energy and excitement as the service progressed.

And that's the way I've done it ever since.